3.30.2005

Fate

There are no coincidences in this life. If I wasn't sure before, I am now certain. Thanks to the angry dictum of certain members of this web log, who posted when and what they did purely by chance (read: fate), I was brought back to reality. And by pure chance (read: fate) i stumbled upon the words before it was too late. I feel as though i just gave a winning lottery ticket to my favorite charity, but at the same time that feeling does include some amount of gratification that all good deeds contain. Thank you to all (read: D...and K, M) for your shared views on life and the unforseen but boundless effect those views have had on me and my life. You have made me a better person (or shown me what not to do to be a better one), and I am more complete than I could be alone. And of course, credit to the wifey: though seemingly an after-thought of my rambling, she is tanamount to what and who I am, and I dont express that, nor cherish it, nearly enough. (P.S. Im not sucking up, she doesnt read this.) Thanks again, everyone.

"The reward of a thing well done is to have done it."

Sincerely, (What a fucking novel salutation! Who'd a thought?)
Alex

The power of words

I was going to go back and edit out some of the rather blunt and nasty things I had to say about one of my friends (See post *sigh*)...

But I don't think that is right. I said them. I will live with them. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but my feelings were strong at the time and writing when I feel like I did then can be dangerous. Although I still disagree with what said person is doing, I went too far in what I said, and am now sorry.

Love,
Dennis

Can you connect the dots?

I have created a new sub-blog that I'm going to use to post some of my writings...

Check it out: DOTS.

Here is my first of hopefully many writings:

Wishes,
Dennis

In. Fin. Ity.

Have you ever held infinity in the palm of your hand? I have…well…I did…for a second…

Infinity comes to you at that moment when time takes a breath, and the clock forgets to tick.

In this fragment of a forgotten moment—a niche in time that belongs to you—you see everything. Everything. Your life unfolds. And…It is beautiful. And Funny. And Good. And Perfect. In every way. We’re talking capital P Perrrrrrfect.

And

Then

Time

Exhales.

The clock ticks again.

In this second, you lived perfection.

But that’s all it was…all it ever could have been…one second…before it all came crashing down.

3.29.2005

*sigh*

Yeah, that's how I kinda feel right now...the blah/sighing kinda feeling...

I'm alone right now...noone is here...marc is on the other side of town...noone is on aim...this is my sad and bleak social life...it scares me because I think of the future...and all I can see right now is me alone...with noone but my small family...because friends move away...i will make new friends...yes...but thats different...sigh...

I was and still am quite pissed at the person who interrupted my personal space last night when I needed to concentrate and get my work done. I was already tired and was on my last thread...but the chaos that ensued in my room after this person barged in broke the thread and I sat for half an hour doing nothing...and was soon too far gone to even think about getting the homework done i needed to...the result is now that I am behind in two classes...and that I will have my grade lowered on one assignment because its now late...

The more I think about it...I don't like what this particular person is doing to some of his relations...I think it is malicious, and if he cared for the one he is supposedly with, that he would never think about doing what he's been doing...i used to think that this was a novelty...but more and more I see it as wrong...it will end up hurting someone (or many)...all I have to say is watch your steps...or you may find your world unraveling...and you will really be falling into the black abyss...alas, I have said too much...

I am going to wallow in my loneliness some more...maybe go grab dinner by myself...maybe catch up on my homework...maybe run away...

goodbye with reluctant love.
Dennis

Pope may need FEEDING TUBE

This is great...Shaivo II!!! Oh, the irony!

Pope may need feeding tube, reports say

Associated Press
Mar. 29, 2005 03:25 PM

VATICAN CITY - Pope John Paul II may have to return to the hospital to have a feeding tube inserted because he is having difficulty swallowing, an Italian news agency reported Tuesday."

D

Post Script

Lonliness sets in... Falling through this web of human interaction, compassion and warmth, but what are the odds that i should miss the intertwining strands and continue to plummet through the mesh and into the black abyss of the cruel unknown. I feel very somber as of late, and very emo. I dont know why really (there are so many variables contributing to it that i shudder at the thought of adding them up), but regardless i feel as though something is missing from me or i am missing something thats right under my nose. Meh.

Sorry for the whining, but i felt it more healing than sleep, and considering its 2 am, cut me some slack ok?!

The world is upon us, and the weight is crushing the life out of me.
Alex

3.28.2005

My weary legs. . .

There can be no rest in this life, can there? Always, we stand on our metaphorical "toes", ready to quickly side step an unfortunate event or meet an oppurtunity head on. But "toes" get tired. It seems in life, whether school, work or (especially) relationships, you must always be on your "toes", fighting to maintain the feeble amounts of power and control that you possess in your situation. If you become complacent, even for a moment, and let down your guard to just ... enjoy life ... and ... smell the roses, whatever your paradigm (relationship, school, etc.) - it will catch you "on your heels", and run your ass over!

Why is it that we can never rest, that all of us must remain vigilant through fatigue and misfortune and hopelessness, for fear that it can always be worse, and will in fact become worse too if care is not taken.

Just some food for thought,
Alex

I'd live my life...

Like a Burning Man.
Currently Listening to: A Perfect Circle - Three Libras
Hello! I am tired as all hell. I woke up at 9a, the best part. I had work... At 9a today. That kinda sucked, but I don't really get stressed out about being late. I am usually pretty good about being on time, and the class I TA for is pretty self sufficient. So all in all I wasn't worried. I considered calling my boss and telling him I had car trouble, but I don't want to begin lying to my employer.
So I hung out with the guys last night, and then Greta for a while. She really is a great girl. I wish I wasn't so neurotic around her. I'm weird. She made a frighteningly accurate statement that I was afraid of something, which is damn true. I don't know what it is, but it is definitely there.
I think I am on one of my hardcore existentialism kicks. Where I feel personally responsible for the actions of other people who I don't even know, nor ever will know. I just don't want to become them, because their occupations and means of sustenance disgust me.
Oh well... Oh well....
I think I'll be super-cliche and start adding a "currently listening to..." Header to my post (as you may have noticed). The point of this is to maybe suggest some new music or incite people to remember old favorites. Change is always good, so take some time to find new bands to listen to!!! If you find anything good, post it in my comments on here, because I'm always open to new stuff.
Music is just a big part of my life right now. It helps me balance out. My iPod is a nice mix of emotions and styles that fit pretty much any situation I can think of. From Bright Eyes to Spineshank, the variety that is to be found in my music library is pretty damn cool.
I'm compelled to throw this dollar down,
Kevin

14

I umpired 14 games in two days this weekend...that is a lot. A Hell of a lot. Aside from the obligatory foot pain, the two days were fun, as I umpired with a great friend, and one I would relate to my "dad" of umpiring. He really brought me up and got me involved at a new level...

Kevin posed a terrifying question to me tonight...what if I was somehow outed amoung my fellow umpires...I honestly don't know...it scares me...i think they would judge me based on who they've gotten to know and my ability...but who knows...all i can think about is the autobiography of Dave Pallon, a former MLB umpire forced out of umpiring after begin found out...anyway...

I think I had some intention to write something greater here, but I have lost it...

I have been going through a bit of a dilemma about my major(s) lately...hopefully to be resplved soon...

I am still lonely...still without a hand to hold, an arm to rest on, or a body to hug...

it gets to me at moments...but for now...I will enjoy the company of my close friends and family...

Goodnight all, with love,
Dennis

Touché

For the good of the masses, and for the peace of mind of one misbegotten soul, I would like to say that -for what it's worth- I'm proud of you Marc. Your post and your attitudes tonight have revealed the beginnings of wisdom on your part. You seem to be stepping back more and seeing responsability and knowing that you hold your future. It may not be entirely proper for this to come from me, but I'm just stating observation, and moreover a positive change. Now I beseech you: go with that, it seems you've found a new path, and I would say until proven otherwise, follow through with what you are implying, and take the helm.

In other news. . .

I know I haven't posted for a while, but it's been vacations and school and the wife and a whole slew of ... excuses. I know. I'll be better.

I would just like to say: life is amazing. Drink from the cup and sieze the moment, and when it's all over, examine the double meanings of everything you said and did. Life's a destination - the fun is in the journey.

Salut-
Alex

3.25.2005

Finding Out...

Wow. I'm not sure why I complain as much as I do... I think I complain too much, I'm too inactive, but sometimes I ignore the real problems and focus on these superficial things. I honestly don't think much about my parents' divorce. I don't think about my mom's health situation or my fathers habits, but when I do, I haven't grasped the true enormity of it all. I talked with my mother tonight, and there's a lot of wisdom to be found in listening. There are so many stories that I had not heard, so many sides to my father that I sometimes chose to ignore. It's cut me a bit deep this evening. Becca called me up when I made a passing glance on AIM and I truly appreciated her help tonight.

Life is a suprise. Predictability isn't fun, but the human drama piles up sometimes. I was so irate about the vegetable, I completely forgot about my own family. It's as I said to Dennis not long ago, its none of my business. And this may not be anyone elses, but I get a sort of satisfaction in expressing my emotions in some form.

True love is blind,
Too bad,
'cause it's awfully hard
fumbling around.

-Marc

3.24.2005

Of Tests and Purchased Distractions

I tell myself, I'm going to study. In fact, I tell myself I'll do nothing else. And yet here I am, so close to the day of the test that will determine my grade and I am playing with my PSP. Good news is, its worth every penny I paid for it. It's impressive, and quite enjoyable. Twisted Metal is much more fun than I'd imagined and I picture myself playing that much more than Legends (Diablo-esque). Well, time to skip the ol' chem and buckle down for a bumpy night of physics folks. But damnit, I've pulled out of worse situations, I have the utmost confidence that I will succeed. So there.

Catch you on the flip side,
-Marc

On feeding tubes...

If you didn't know...Terry Shavio's condition resulted from the eating disorder of Bulimia...the disorder created a chemical inbalance in her that stopped her heart long enough to cause brain damage and her current condition...

So...I have concluded why the feeding tube shouldn't be put back into use...

She will just throw the food up again...

Oh yeah, I'm going deeper into Hell for this one...

D

Sold OUT!!!!!!!!!

The damn coke machines in BHC are sold out!!! They don't even have the little tiny bottles of 60 cent rip off water. Grrr...

In other news...I was very giddy today for some reason...I don't know why...I am quite happy just going with the flow of life right now, although there are parts of my life that I want to improve right now.

I've ran for the past five days...oh impressive...i know...but we all have to start somewhere. My goal is to be under 210 before I leave for London. So, that's about 12 lbs...We shall see.

My overall concern is not pysical appearance, but health...well...no, i want to look good...hehe...

anyway, Maybe the running has released endorphins lately, cause I've felt good...or maybe its because spring has sprung.

Have you ever had a moment when you look at your watch and the second hand freezes for a split second...and for that moment...time seems to stop...and then it starts ticking again and all is normal...i have this happen to me...it is wierd.

I am rambling and random...like my mood

I took pictures of my jog tonight...will post in a few days after they are developed.

hugs,
Dennis

3.23.2005

Brand New Colony

I have only been awake for like 6 hours, but I'm pretty tired. I am kinda bummed out I didn't get up till nearly 2pm today. I wanted to get up a little earlier and maybe get some homework and reading done, but that did not happen. its not a big deal, but sometimes I wish i didn't sleep so damn much.

I have been in a pretty good mood the last few days. Its nice, I'm not super happy, but much more content with things than in previous days. Today I looked at a birthday card that Megan gave me, and that was a mistake, but it wasn't too bad.

I found a great way to describe Megan and my relationship dynamic in computer terms

(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? R
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? R
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? F
Relationship failed.
(courtesy of BB Spot)

But its all good.

I have been playing the Sims 2 a lot lately. I like it. Building the houses is where I get the most enjoyment, with the 3D camera you can simulate yourself walking through the houses. Its pretty damn awesome.

k well bye bye

Take me down,
kevin

The Resurrection

Alas, tis been ages since I typed words into our little nook of the web. I am back for now, with a few things on my mind.

1) Marc, you are the only "best" (in the little that word can convey) friend I've really ever had. In all the troubles I faced in high school (whether you knew I was going through them or not), you were always there, as a shoulder to lean on. At some points, you were the only friend I had, the only person I could talk to. You helped me get to today, whether you think you did or not. You have value my friend. As to other endeavors, I understand what you are going through. My whole life, I have been and will be faced with the "look but don't touch" policy to potential partners. And, even in the ones I can go after, my body fails to attract in this meniacle and shallow scene. I feel your pain. All we can do is work at it, and beat them at their own game.

2) Terry Schiavo. I agree with everything Marc said and want to add that this was the first time the President cut a vaction short to go back to work in D.C. He rushed back to sign the legislation passed by Congress allowing for easier appeals in this case. Again, let's concentrate on the thousands dead in Iraq, and the tens of thousands injured...amoung many other things that effect so many others.

3) Terry Schiavo.
"The Rev. Pat Mahoney, a Schindler family supporter, acknowledged Wednesday that their legal options have diminished and urged the state Legislature to
intervene."Let it be known to every voter in Florida, the fate of Terri
Schiavo is in the Florida Senate's hands,"
he said."

A Reverand said this...does this stike noone else as odd. From a religious or conservative standpoint, shouldn't her fate be in God's hands? So, then, why are all the religious and conservatives trying to intervene in a natural death, and trying to change what may well be God's will...

That's all for now. With Love,

Dennis

Give Me Strength

I hope to look past my short comings. Although I'm not alone in seeing them, I'm the only one that dwells upon them. Even if I had the world telling me everything that is good about myself, I would still doubt some aspect of who I am. In a way, its a driving force and its a good deal better than ignorance of my weaknesses. However, there are times when it becomes debilitating and I can't stand it. I used to look to God for strength or an answer. And the old answer was to be the best that I could be, to be honest, clean, sober, and nice. Unfortunately, that only gets you so far and not far enough. It also takes cunning, looks, charm, and wit. Things which I am able to possess, but for one reason or another, never possess at the right moments all together.

So when I'm in this state of depression, its no ones fault but my own. No one intends to harm me, at least I don't think I've ever made a true enemy. I always attempt to do the right thing, and often I fail as we all do. I've lost sight of that ideal, I'm greedy now, I want what others have and they don't seem to understand that what they have is by vast degrees far greater than what I have. I am so wistful that I sacrafice what I do have and its got to stop. Maybe I'll be lonely for the next several years as I persue topics that I enjoy, but I can't give up on one thing to attempt the unattainable right now.

My chances of finding what I want dwindle with each passing day, my stock is low enough as it is that it doesn't need the effects of age to help it, but I'm already looking at a several year time span in which my persuits won't allow this nonsense. So be it. I will make something of myself if I can't be happy, at least I can make some else happy.

-Marc

3.19.2005

Back to the politics!

A poor woman sits in a hospital. She's dead, brain-dead. She has no fears, no dreams, no emotions, no thoughts... as far as she's concerned consciousness is gone and her body continues to go through the chemical processes it had established to support that higher faculty. Her purpose and survival have been obliterated, her reason for existing let alone her existance is gone. A wraith wrapped in tubes and support machinary, who wants to exist like this?

Apparently Congress thinks this is better than dying. After being read her last rites and being pulled from the food support system, Mrs. Schiavo is all set. But, if it wasn't enough to have frivilous laws passed to save her, numerous court battles and finally the Supreme Court punting the case out, Congress makes a joint effort ot make another appeal easier, all in her honor. For her well being? Jesus Christ, this is not what you need to be doing folks. This woman is DEAD and prolonging her life through costly machines and assistance, as well as bringing pain to her husband are not your choice. In fact, its not a federal matter at all, its a state issue and the state law was UNCONSTITUTIONAL. There are no more appeals, this is not your reign get back to your recess or start manning up and dealing with real problems in America.

A bipartisan agreement, over one woman. Apparently no one cares about our vets, our homeless, our jobless, our elderly, or our soldiers enough to cooperate and compromise and get something done, even if they have to come out of recess. People die every day, in situations much worse than this, situations that can be prevented and solved. But one woman, one vegetable can unite our fucking congress, pull them out of recess, get them past their rivalries and get them to agree on a bill just to save her... All hail God in his glory for allowing people to pretend to care.

On the side of humanity,
Marc

3.15.2005

He took a chance on romance....

I am incredibly sad. I am sitting here with red, tear-moist eyes. I am not going to class today, I don't feel up to it.

You may query why, and to that I say... Megan. Last night we spent some time together, and that little optimistic part of that thought that there was a chance of us getting back together was dashed wholley. It really is quite painful. How do you fall out of love with someone? Its obviously a shitty and long task, but I don't know if I have it in me to purge my emotions. I cared for her so much. I wanted to be a better person, and I wanted to be all that she needed and obviously couldn't. Now, wiether that is a statement about me or her, I don't know. I don't think I ever will, but all that matters is that what we once had is lost forever.

The thought of her liking another guy, touching him, kissing him, .... you get the the point, kills me. It will kill me for awhile. I hate her right now, how dare she do this to me. And of coarse I was nice and sweet to her despite all that I really feel. I'm a fucking liar.

I feel like an ass for posting this, because this is the kind of post that i make fun of all the time on other journals, but I figure I can allow myself a few sad post here and there.

Fuck all.

I'm glad I didn't miss my chance to see and end misery,
Kevin

3.14.2005

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I'm in such a unique mood. As so often happens when I get to posting here. Its never the mundane of my emotions or moments. At least, not to me. I'm doing horrible in school, horrible at work (5 hours? no sales last week?) awful with the ladies, and even worse with personal discipline. Its enough to classify myself as a failure. Losing faith bit by bit every day sucks so much.

I want to make something of myself, but it hurts to lay down at night and think, "Is that all I did today?" I'm seriously sick and tired of living this way. At least its better.

I watched Million Dollar Baby with Katie earlier. A part of me wanted to give in, let her get what she wanted, let her use me and then grow detached and despondent or needy or whatever else it is women become. But a part of me wanted her to remain this mildly innocent gem that I couldn't smear with my pressence.

What left a bigger impact on me was the film. Oh how I miss the competition, the ass kicking, the smell of sweat and blood, the feel of the mat and the violence and adrenaline flowing through you. And then I had to witness my worst fear come to fruition. Oh how I would collapse should I lose all my freedoms.

Collapsing,
Marc

TCM343.DNS

Its Monday, the 14th of March and I am in the process of installing Windows 2003 Server (Enterprise Edition... of coarse) on a couple boxes here in the lab. Its good stuff. It's not quite cooperating to the level which I would like it to, but overall I haven't had any major problems. Installing inside Virutal PC can be a pain in the butt, but that will be over soon. I had to blow out an XP machine because the damn MBR was crap, so I had to redo the partitions and all that.

So how's life everyone? For me, not bad. I haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately, but its been worth it. Taking only three classes at a time is pretty good, because you can focus a little bit more. I need to get a new job soon. With the whole moving out thing I am feeling a little preasure. I make enough right now at EB, but just barely. I want to have a lil "fun money" damn it. Oh well, all I can do is keep looking.

Well friends, sorry I am not more interesting today.

I (heart) Megumi Okina,
Kevin

3.09.2005

Til the end of Time.

Warmth. Wonderful, glorious warmth.
Melt away the ice of my heart, and the snow on my eyes.
The hole in my chest closes at the feeling you bring.

Its warm outside. I like it. I feel like my fears and apprehensions melt away everyday under the atomic glow of that gigantic ball of hydrogren/helium in the heavens. I can see why people worshiped the sun. Its there, and it gives life.

Its been another good day.
Are there more to come?
Lets hope.

Salut,
kevin

"Directed Panspermia"

So here I am, 4:52 and counting. I went to bed around 10 and got myself an inadvertent 5 hour nap. I meant to read.

Anyway, taking a step away from the paper (800+ words now, 1200 left) to post this little gem of information. "Designing life, it coudl be pointed out, does not necessarily require supernatural abilities; rather, it requires a lot of intelligence." This is Behe in regards to alien fertilization of the Earth. I weep at the scientific rating that the creationist movement as attributed to this book. In addition, it doesn't take intelligence at all to create life. All it takes is two horney teenagers minus a condom and stir in some luck. Presto, you've created yourself a completely unique organism, raring and ready to go.

-Marc
"I've got blisters on me fingers!"

3.07.2005

Inequality Franchised

  1. Realization:
    1. Isn't it crazy? The whole of my life's ambition... crap. A lie, a hypocritcal mass of self-ignorant actions strung together by the lowest common denominator of money. I want to be rich, I am greedy. I want a Lexus LS430 and a Lotus Elise. I want a big house with a big backyard, and two big dogs (Chow-Chows). I want a hot wife, and good kids. I want the American Dream, all wrapped up tightly in a niftly technicolor box that smells of roses and lilac.
    2. Alas, I doubt I'll get it.
    3. I will most likely make a pretty decent salary, I'll be able to afford a nicer car (hopefully a hybrid). A smart wife with ambition and a good career, not a knockout, but easy on the eyes. Kids that are gonna be (unfortunatly) like me. That is, smart but lazy, and damn decadent. Not too bad, a run of the mill upper-middle class family in contemporary America.
  2. Analysis:
    1. I think I have the perpensity to be super-rich, but I have a lot ethical dilemmas with some of the things that I would have to do to get there. I really don't like the corporate game. The objectification of the individual, and the loss of connection to the human. Its all a bit crap, but then again. What isn't? I don't even know anymore.
    2. I like technology, but I think I'de rather be an eccentric professor of Philosophy at some University. Yet, I don't want to just get my degree in philosophy, because when reality kicks me in the ass... I am left with nothing :(...
  3. Conclusion:
    1. Oh well. Life is strange and wonderful. The hollow is the only real way to know we live anymore.
    2. Joyous till the end of ages.
  4. Appedix 1:
  • This is a poem I wrote for Greta, I hope everyone enjoys.

Tot...
Du tötetst mich.
Ich hasse dich.
Sterb.

The guilt slips from our lips,

Kevin T****
Professor Keenan
Engl135
3.7.05

This fire is out of control, we're going to burn this city.

So I was driving home from work at EB yesterday, and you know what struck me as I listened to Modest Mouse on Kevin's Forward, Forever disc. It's also been an idea I've been kicking around ever since Lynch dug me into this creationism debauchery of our education system. If God exists, and if he did create the Earth, Genisis is the most messed up account I've ever read. You have to be asinine to insist that it's 100% true, let alone that the underlying theme is. I'm willing to grant that God would/could have done everything except blame man for sin. God can't blame man for sin because man didn't create sin. The Bible gives this horrible message if we were to focus simply on Gensis - God created sin, he let man make it his own, and then punished man for doing it. It's all God's fault and we're the ones who take the fall? Bullshit. It's a messed up story.

Anyway, I found myself in a bookstore Friday night. I went to the religion section on a whim and found it. Really hard to miss. Funny that it wasn't labeled under fiction. I found one book in particular that I was hoping to run across, it was Lee Strobel's "The Case for a Creator" and it clearly states the growing evidence for a Creator and disputes Darwinism and Evolutionary thought. Then I go to the science section, I walked right past it four times. It's half a bookshelf. But they did have something I hope to get if I should ever have the cash - Richard Dawkins' "The Ancestors". It's an anthology of man's history, using everything from archeology to zoology including plate tectonics, genetics, mitochondrial DNA, and embryology. My God, this is something I want to read, not that ficitonal shit Behe put out. "Darwin's Black Box" is driving me nuts.

Anyway, life is good.
-Marc
(God, if you're out there, please correct your followers and teach them some damn respect.)

3.06.2005

Lovely Empty Space

Its me....
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I just thought I would post a pic, in case anyone is curious. I have longer hair now, but not too much longer.

I am glad I am not this guy.

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Wanna see some Kev art?

Gentlemen, Behold!!!!

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Wonder where I live?

Wonder no longer.

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Finally.
Maybe people have asked me, what would the liberal mafia staff be like in the Sims?
To that I say... look.

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oh and...

Obligitory picture of my friend Greta

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Hope you Enjoyed.

They are building drug stores,
Kevin

The Essence of all that is Good

In 4 days, I've got an exam worth a third of my grade in one class, followed by a report worth a quarter of my grade due in the next. And yet I find myself here, on this damn blog, wasting precious minutes. Or am I wasting them?

Procrastination is great. I don't care what anyone says. I need a long time to do my paper, and the long time that I have right now was just halved by posting this, so (tear) I guess I can't do it now. And studying requires getting all those papers togeather from across my dorm, car, and home, and the end just doesn't justify the means on that one. Darn.

But really what else is college about? Partying all through the week, random excursions to wherever the road leads, and going to bed just in time to NOT get enough sleep. And even then you jump right back out of bed, wide awake, because you remembered your goddam internet assignment. Ah, isn't it beautiful?

He who thrives under pressure,
Alex

3.02.2005

There is closing cost, and a narrow margin.

I hate admitting it, but Exeem could be cool.

I know it probably installed some shit-ass spyware and/or adware on my machine, but the utility of the program outweighs the performance issues that accompany it. Albiet, its still damn slow at times I am able to find what I need after a little while. Right now I am in pursuit of all the Radiohead albums, and I have found most of them. But I DO NOT steal music, I have never downloaded copyrighted material off the Internet, ever. So yea, fuck you. I know what you are thinking. Anyways...

How is everyone? I'm not too bad. Life is pretty decent lately. I have no idea whats going on with school. I have been trying to register for classes, but the process has been stalled. I don't know...

I read in the bath today, that was nice. I read a short story by Koji Suzuki called "Adrift". It was crazy. I have a fondness of Mr. Suzuki after reading "Ring" and "Spiral" (the former my 12 year old brother is reading... not that it matters what so ever.) I recommend everyone check those books out if you like the movies "The Ring" or "The Grudge".

So yea. It is nice to be back in Phoenix. Being home is nice once and a while. I had fun in Maryland, didn't do too much crazy stuff. But still was a good time.

They say it's murder,
Kevin

Consumer Whore

Posts come few from me lately, feeling very unispired. Been working a lot, and I finally feel better. Still a little gunky, but it's getting better. What's happend these last two weeks is a blur. I don't recall much, and what I do recall is all blended together and stirred up.

God, we talked yesterday. It was a friendly chat and by no means accusatory about how life, particularly mine, is going. I'm not emo, don't get me wrong. When I'm busy I have little time to think, I only have time to react and thats a good thing sometimes. I'll crash during spring break when I truly need it. But damnit, has anyone else noticed a dreary glow to everything lately? I feel like Leland lately, (see United States of Leland for further details) the second semester of college seems monotonous and ugly. Not only that, but the days are darker, more dreary and less inspired. It's bad, I dislike it beyond anything and I see no reason for the world to appear so.

Anyway, I went to a lecture tonight, it was nothing I'd never heard before. It was by Tom Vail who wrote the book that got banned from the science section in the Grand Canyon Park buildings. It's now under pictures haha, which he neglected to say. He did say that we liberals attempted to get it banned to no avail (though we got it relabeled, jackass).

OEC and Human Event are amazing, the rest are lackluster and horrible. Hope that next semester fairs better.

Dennis, you set your alarm clock for 7:30 pm so you could nap. I did not adjust it, waking up early is your responsibility, consider it a privledge if I ever set it up for you without prompting. Keep in mind, that all signs point to yourself, we're in the age of enlightment and Kant is spinning in his grave at the horrors you have unleashed by blaming me. Stop it, be more responsible. (Sorry, responsibility was my paper thesis for human event.)

The BEARD is GONE TOMARROW whether you like it or not. So there.

In other news, working at EB games is risky. Very risky. I don't normally buy shit on a whim, but when you sell the stuff and see the utility first hand, its hard to resist. I'm a gamer, a true gamer, but I haven't owned a consol in awhile and I definitly haven't had a nifty gadget like Dennis has (dang ipod). So, the PSP is my current goal. $250 for this beaut, charges in 2 hours, plays mini dvds, has a usb port, plays movies and games and music, and you can show pictures. Hell, I can watch a movie in my car for less than an ipod, granted it has only 32 mb of internal memory, but thats enough to store a background image and a few songs, which is quite nice. Memory sticks will be cool, but damnit, why do I want it so bad? Damn America and its marketing, you've foiled my plots at keeping money.

-Marc, the closet proletarian.

3.01.2005

Fuck Texas...

The following is an excerpt from a texas textbook. Deletions crossed out, additions in bold...this is sad...

"The sex hormones your body produces may make you interested in romantic relationships with others the opposite sex. Friendships and dating relationships help you prepare for adult relationships stable marital commitment.

"If you discuss the issue of homosexuality in class, discuss it respectfully. Be aware that someone in your class may be homosexual or related to someone who is homosexual, or have a friend who is homosexual. Texas law rejects homosexual marriage. Students can therefore maintain that homosexuality and heterosexuality are not moral equivalents, without being charged with "hate speech."

Surveys indicate that 3 to 10 percent of the population is gay. Opinions vary on why some people are straight, some are bisexual, and others are gay No one knows for sure why homosexuals, lesbians and bisexuals as a group are more prone to self-destructive behaviors like depression, illegal drug use, and suicide."

D

A chirping bird...

Yesterday was a great day...I would take the weather of yeasterday everyday of the year...

I wantered out to Target after class to purchase a light-up Irish themed "pub opened" or "pub closed" sign...very nice...

I ended up sitting outside of Panda express, enjoying my orange chicken and beef with broccoli in the perfect weather. I watched the finches hop around on the table and ground in front of me, and thought of how they were perfectly content in life with the scattered peices of chow mien. It was quite amusing as they hopped and chirpped along...

Somebody, all evidence points to my roommate...set the alarm clock to PM instead of AM, so I didn't get up in time for my first class...not too good...

And, I come back to the room after class to see my cashews spilt all over behind my laptop...with the culprit not wise enough to clean the mess up...I do not like when my space is messed with. There will be retribution!!!

Love yas,
Dennis

High Schoollatrix Reloaded

I was up late studying, and therefore am a bit tired and more than a bit cranky. But I don't think that this is why I've reached this conclusion: College is high school. Or at least dorm life is high school, only worse. Worse because there is all of this praise associated with college and the population's increased maturity, compassion and lack of dramanatrix, but in reality it is just the dangling of a carrot. The horrid stupidity that I see in this dorm on a literally daily basis is nauseating. Cups of shit in the bathroom, a weekly ritual of someone shaving their hair off on the bathroom floor, the awful music rattling the light 2 feet above your sleeping head in the wee hours of the morning. And above all else, the ignorantrix, the drama, and the unbelievable selfishness of very nearly every person i have met here. Common courtesy is out the window. And I am powerless to change the inner-workings of the machine. It is inevitable, it is the ASU Honor's Dorms. I must get out. WE must get out. There must be a Revolution...

Alex