Mysteries of the Universe. . . 101

Course Description: Yes, the truth comes out. After years and years of research, first-hand observation and experimentation, and much collaboration with colleagues in the field - I have found the answer to one of mankinds oldest and most disturbing questions: With the apparent abundance of (for the purposes of this document, I will use my personal paradigm of the opposite sex; however, assign your own context, even outside the scope of relationships) tangible women, why are they so scarce at the end of the day?

Well, boys and girls, the answer is self evident: it's a matter of scarcity. In Economics, the market mechanism is what sets supply and demand: theoretical curves that dictate the quatities and output available at given prices. In a system of perfect competition (Figure A), the amount of female company the market (read: men) demands, versus the supply of females and their acceptible outputs of affection and other.. less academic.. products, is balanced by a point of equlibrium where Q* is the optimum amount of female output while still catering to a reasonable demand, and thus setting the price P* for the market output (read: Pay for everything, listen to whining, and eventually forfit of your soul). But one would think that competition would drive these prices down, because surely not all, or even many, men are willing to go to such lengths for this quaint level of output, and the invisible hand of competition would drive the price down to a more reasonable level. . .

Figure A
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HOWEVER! This model is crafted with Perfect Competition assumed. This is the fatal mistake that past theorists in this field have made. In actuality, the market is one more akin to a monopoly, or a market dominated by one producer, where that firm (read: gender) can withhold output and increase price to maximize their profit. And as this firm is the only producer of its good, it is allowed to continue. So as you can see (Figure B), instead of price being driven to the competitive equlibrium of C with full production available to the economy, output is restricted to literally half (Half is shown to be the maximized profit margin) of the total, and price is driven up according to the demand for product. So what results is not only expensive-ass bitches, but also economic and consumer surplus losses that stem from market constriction and are no longer available for consumption.

Figure B

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Now, staying true to my republican ways, the last thing I would advocate to remedy this is government regulation (I can see the political scandal and corruption now. . . Bill, the only mistake you made is getting caught!), and unfortunately, I have uncovered the problem but haven't the capacity to reach a solution. It would seem that unless we divide and conquer the monopolists, they will forever reign. However, the flaw with that theory as well is that, as the demand curve indicates, there are always those poor souls who are willing to pay the ultimate (and demanded) price for their women, and that no matter what, scarcity will always exist. I suppose another answer is consumption (read: literally), but alas... i dont think i could eat a whole one...

Dr. Alex, Ph. D.


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