4.21.2005

Profoundness

Existentialism is slowly slipping its way back into my life, and I'm glad I left the window open so it could sneak back in. As I look over at the two lovers on the fouton, I'm reminded that there can be love and beauty in life, even if its not occuring to me. Its rather brilliant as I reflect on it here, posting this bit of gibberish that, on the grand scheme, will disappear. Human existence is so beautiful, so cruel, so brilliant, and so short that its so hard to let it be. We try to box it in to these little parcels we know as stereotypes and sell them through mass media, morality, and laws. But I think we've got it all wrong. These two lovers have every right to express their compassion, I find it sickening to think that someone would sooner stop them then a murderer. And yet, we continue to sell morality in such a manner. This boxed up sale of what success, morality, love, friendship, and the rest of the infinite human expression is too narrow. I've finally drawn the Tao into my existential nature and I think that I've found a new lot in life, a new meaning.

I've made a rather foul mess of things. But I realize now that I would be missed, that my actions are important and impactful. If I quit now then its telling my sister and my mother its okay to quit. I'm telling all those sick people out there that I don't care about their disorders. I'm telling my best friend he has to face his trials alone. I'm telling my teachers I wasn't worth the praise. And I'm telling Kevin and Alex I wasn't worth the time. And I don't want that at all folks. The towel is not yet in the ring no matter how far down the gutter I go - to throughly mix metaphors.

Beauty is in mine eyes.
-TdB4

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