Saving Grace

Have you ever been so ashamed of yourself it hurt? I used to get that a lot when I was much more self critical. But for the first time I feel like I majorily failed. Perhaps I have yet to completely fall face down and eat it. But I feel like I'm pretty close.

Luckily, there is still hope. I do have alternatives to dropping out. Unfortunatly, I can't get too optimisitc about it. I'm hopeful, but not foolish. I'm going to appeal this horrid mess and work my tail off. If I don't get the appeal, well then I'm boned and its time to incur the largest level of debt I've ever seen. Student loans suck, but its my fault and unfortunatly there is little excuse, even if some one else may not think so. I always feel like any excuse makes me less of a man and having to submit to one often leaves me feeling empty.

In other news, paper due in 10 hours and 40 some minutes. I think I can finish it. It's not going to be stellar and I won't get sleep. But, not the end of the world.

Going home tomarrow to finish a scholarship application. I hope I can help deaden this blow.



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